From the last post, somebody might just assume the blog wasn't updated because somebody committed suicide. Nope, still here.
(cue Russian accent) We are like roach. Even nuke will not keel. (end Russian accent)
My old work was up to some very illegal stuff (the kind of stuff people get into the national news about). Getting my last paycheck proved to be a piece of cake, that is once I reminded them of some of the illegal stuff they were doing.
Getting unemployment proved equally easy. I don't think they had the balls to try and prevent it because, once again, they were into some very illegal stuff.
The bad news: no job. But it's not really bad news, as my business is actually doing OK enough to pay the bills. I won't get into the exact nature of what I am doing to keep my privacy, but it involves teaching people an important skill that could save their lives one day, so I feel really good about this business. It's nice to do something that helps people in exchange for their money.
We moved out of my parent's place a few months ago and have a nice house we're renting. Not perfect, mind you, but it's a nice neighborhood where I don't have to constantly worry about having to hire a lawyer because I shot one of my neighbors who was over 'visiting' at 3 AM. That and I don't live next to north African drug dealers or work for smugglers. Life is nice when one can feel safe.
But, I still pack heat. If you want to FEEL safe, carry a rabbit's foot. If you want to BE safe, get training, get licensed and carry a pistol :)
A few months ago, we also had the latest addition to our family. She was born just a tad premature, but had zero complications, in fact she quickly caught up to other babies in terms of weight, amazing our pediatrician.
As far as the gender problems go, that has been interesting as well. Right up to the birth of our new daughter, I had big problems with it. Once she was born, they actually went away for a couple months completely. I'm not sure if it was the parental instinct that tossed the issues aside, or the drop in testosterone (and there was a measurable drop).
But, unfortunately, the issues crept back in eventually. I am now pretty much back where I was before the baby was born, but with no real support from anybody. I'm afraid to talk about it much because I know Avril is hurt by it and would rather it all just go away. I know she loves and cares, but she can only take so much.
As far as religion goes, I have been very hesitant to share with my bishop here because my last bishop just quit talking to me when I shared all of this with him. I guess it was just too much for him to digest.
Instead of dealing with this as a psychological issue, I've decided to continue approaching it as a medical issue. I've found a really accepting doctor who has decided to check into the physical anomalies I have (gynecomastia, lack of sense of smell, hypogonadotropic hypogonadism) much more aggressively than my last doctor.
We've checked all of the hormone levels once again, and T is even lower than it was before. FSH and LH (the chemicals that tell the testes to make T) are also lower. So, the problem must be in the brain.
He decided to check prolactin levels as well as order an MRI of the brain to check for anomalies. His big concern is that there could be something deadly wrong, and he wants to rule it out. Maybe they'll find something along the way to checking on that-- I shared all of the research Zoe Brain has compiled, and he thinks there's definitely something to it all, and that we should research and test this further.
Honestly, I'm not sure where exactly I'm heading with this. I know for sure that I don't want to talk to anybody in the mental health profession, because I don't think there's anything mentally wrong. It's physical, and I shouldn't have to go pretend to be crazy for treatment. Plus, the only treatment they can offer is transition, and I'm not sure that transition is the solution for me personally.
There's also the religious counselors out there who will think they can "cure" my ailments with various forms of reparative therapy, religious rites and other stuff that hasn't worked in the past. I refuse to go down that road again.
Maybe once I have all of the physical answers together, I will have a clearer picture of where I need to go (or not go) with my treatment.
More here as there is more to talk about....
